proudAPmom

A bit on the late side…I woke at 10am since I wasn’t feeling well last night and apparantly needed the extra sleep. I couldn’t believe that I slept that long and now I have a throbbing headache that is just not going away. I will have to take something for it once I get up enough energy to get up off my rear-end. My son is full of energy and ready for the day, my husband has a team meeting at work, and tonight I have a group at church to go to. I missed last week, so it would be good to go this week to show that I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth. I hope I am feeling better by then. The dogs are also very needy - they want to play and to take a long walk. It is too bad that we don’t have the ability to do more with them, but it is hard since we now live in farm country and there are no good places to walk. Also, we just don’t have the time that we used to.I am looking over bills today, and I am feeling anxious again. I don’t know how we are going to do it,but you know what? Everytime we get to one of these places where money is just so tight and we don’t know how we are going to make ends meet, we end up getting something in the mail, or someone helps us out. I did all the usual things yesterday - called all the church help groups, signed up for assistance everywhere I could, and got food at the food pantry to get us by. Who knows what is in store for us in the new year?! God Bless and Happy New Year! 

when she would ask us. She being one of our foster kids, she being one of the most difficult kids that we had.

My husband and I used to work in foster care…not the typical kind of foster care, either. Most people think of foster care as a couple who takes in a few kids into their own home and treat them as their own.

My husband and myself did a more theraputic form of foster care - these kids were not elligable for ‘regular’ foster care. They had been too violent, too difficult, had done a lot of jail time, were sex-offenders, and just couldn’t function in a regular home with regular rules. 

We lived in a company home, and the kids went to therapists at least once a week within the program and sometimes with other therapists and doctors at other offices (court ordered, etc). Instead of us making decisions about what the kids did (like school dances, sports, and class choices) we had to work with a team of therapists, case workers, probation officers, and sometimes parents. Although most of these kids had very limited interaction with their real parents. 

This particular young lady had a extremely tough life and continues to do so.

Here is a bit of her history:

Age 0-2 - Ms. S was sexually abused by her Grandfather, Mother, Father and Uncle. Her cries are answered by punches, hits, and ignoring her. She is allowed to go without food and clean diapers. She probably didn’t have much love or kindness at this age at all. No one really knows the extent to which she was abused, and none of the people who were responisible were ever punished.

2-7 Ms. S is adopted, her name changed for her safety and she lives with this family for some years before she becomes too much to handle. She is out of control and difficult. Of course, her neurons are so screwed up from the first two years of her life that she doesn’t understand real love.

When she is 15 years old we get her in our company home. She had been bounced around quite a bit since her adoption (they had ‘returned’ her) and she spent some of that time in youth detention and staff secure programs. She seemed pretty mellow when we got her, but we found that she had a list of medications to subdue her a bit. 

Our program worked to get her off some of the medications, she was on medications for ADHD, ODD, OCD, PTSD, and birthcontrol. Many of these girls are put on birth control even when they are not allowed around boys - they sneak and it can happen quickly. 

Pretty soon behaviors started to show - agression, passive aggression, very drifty, and always thinking about boys. She was in special ed courses at school, although she wasn’t super in need, just not motivated and very ADHD. 

We worked there for 2 years, at the end of the first year, she had been given a trip because the team had felt she had earned it. My husband and I didn’t feel that she should go - we after all lived with her and saw things that the team didn’t. She came back from the trip and didn’t seem herself. We found out later that night what had happened. There were a large group of kids who went, but there wasn’t much supervision. The boys got out of their rooms, went out and purchased vodka with a fake id, came back to one of the rooms and got Ms S and I believe one other girl to come to their room. They drank and pretty soon the other girl was feeling uncomfortable about the situation, so she went back to her room, leaving Ms S alone with three boys. It was reveled later that they got her to do many sexual things for them that night. She was crying as she told us what they made her do, but since it was consentual, there was nothing more to do. 

There was extra session scheduled for her with therapists. Months later, she ran away from school on a Friday. On Sunday night, we finally got word about where she was - at the hospital. She had teken drugs, cocaine, pot, and someones medications, she had been smoking, drinking and having sex with three different guys througout the weekend. She almost over dosed on all the drugs that these people gave her. When we got to the hopsital to see her, she was on a iv to try to flush the stuff from her system and had to spend a night there to get cleaned up. They also had to run tests on her for std’s. All sex that she had was unprotected. 

Again, more counceling, more talk therapy, a higher dose of her current medications. 

Things just never changed - she did this one more time before we left the program. After we left, a new couple came in, and they were abusive and one of the other girls in the home (there were 4 total) slept with the foster father. He was a sick man and his wife was just as bad because she got mad at the girl and not her husband. They ended up skipping town to avoid prosecution. 

Ms S ended up running again and eventually moved in with a teacher with whom she bonded with while in HS. There were rules set up and she started getting SSI. Her money was held for her in a savings account that requires two signatures to get the money. 

About a year ago I got a message from her. She was really excited to let me know that she was engaged to a man who was getting ready to deploy to the middle east (Army). She said that she was doing really good and wanted to get together. I went to visit her and we spent a day together shopping, going out to eat and talking. She seemed to be doing well, and I was happy to see that she had turned her life around. 

A few months later, she had given someone her engagement ring, cause she had run away and needed more drugs. She was taking nude pictures of herself and posting them to a webpage, and found some guy on there who wanted her to move in with him. She lost her fiancee and now is living with a guy, his father (a convicted sex-offender), and his two children when on visitation. One of the children has down syndrome. They party, the drink, smoke, and don’t work. She has told me that the father comes into her room and requests sexual favors -she has told me that she refuses and that she wants to move somewhere else, but yet she won’t do anything about it. She had a section 8 house that she could have had, but there would be rules (she would have been living in an apartment building for elderly and disabled). My husband and I don’t think that she is strong enough to refuse sex to anyone who asks or tells her to do something. She is in a bad situation, but with that being said we don’t want her to live here either. 

Today, she asked…she wants to come stay with us. I felt so bad, because I have to tell her no. We are barely making it on our own - with her it is another mouth to feed, someone who won’t work, someone who steals, and smokes, and won’t clean and won’t follow rules. She was diagnosed as bi-polar last year - something that I had pushed for when she was living with us - I knew that she was but when I brought it up to the team they shot me down. Now, she is off her meds and she can be so nutty. 

So, tonight I have to let her know…I really do feel bad. I was talking with her earlier when she asked about coming to stay with us. I told her that I wasn’t so sure about that…maybe she should check into some shelters…well she just disconnected. I think that she was upset that I wouldn’t just say ’sure, I’ll come get you’. I can’t take in a kid that is 21 years old with that many issues while I have a toddler. 

My husband and I have two vehicles - a old Ford Taurus and a newer Dodge Grand Caravan. We got the Caravan in January 08 and we both really love it. The Ford we got in 07 and it has been a pretty good car overall. It is not my favorite to drive and lately we’ve had some really bothersome problems with it. First the front end was shaking really violently - I took it to Midas and they told me that I needed a ton of front end work and two new tires (just the tires were going to cost over $200) but we don’t have that much money. I told them that I couldn’t afford it, and the mechanic told me about a tire store down the street. I went there this morning and told them my situation - I don’t have a lot of money, but I am in desperate need of at least one new tire, but two would be prefered. The salesman/mechanic went to search for a used tire or two and came back with two used tires that were in good condition. He offered them to me for $25 each installed. I said put them on! They were installed quickly, and now I have no more vibration at all! All for $53 after tax. Now, I have to get the front end work done as soon as we can afford it. Tie rods, etc all need to be replaced. The tire that was really bad, had wires exposed and hanging out of the tire. I am so grateful that that part of the issue is resolved - driving around with a toddler during the winter, it would have really stunk to have gotten a flat tire or had the tire explode while driving the highway. The car also has transmission problems, but hopefully those issues will also be resolved as we get more funds in.

Today I am on E-bay bidding on a Nintendo Wii. I wanted one for a little while now, and now I am trying to get one. All the local stores are sold out and the Nintendo Wii is very expensive online. My husbands employer will pay for 1/2 the cost of a Wii since it can be used for health/fitness, which is why I want one - I want to get the Wii fit and work out using the personal trainer. The Wii’s on E-bay are starting out very low and the price jumps so fast at the end. Today I was bidding on one, but I set my limit at $120 (I will actually go to $180 if I find one) and I was outbid pretty quickly towards the end…then within a hour I saw the price jump to over $200. Most on E-bay are selling for close to $350 and the value of the machine is only $250! People are sure getting some good mark-up on these machines. I won’t spend a ton on this machine though, since I am sure that the prices will come down as the stock is replenished. Well, wish me luck! I am still in the running for one that will be ending in just over 18hours. 

Today, I decided to go to the Outlets to use up some of my gift card from Christmas and I figured maybe I would find some great deals. I did find a few items, but as I tried on the cute tops I realized that now is the time to get in shape! I’ve allowed myself to fall into some bad habits (noshing day and night on junk food, and not working out) and now I need to really work to get back in charge of my body and my cravings. I’ve been struggling with my weight - and no, I am not overweight, but I have a spare tire around my midsection that is making it impossible to button my pants anymore. Now, I am going to work really hard to get my stomach back in shape. I guess what bothers me the most is that 6-8 months after having my son I was back down to a size 2 and very thin and comfortable with my body. Now, a few weeks from my sons 2nd birthday, I now weight more than I did so shortly after his birth. I only weighed 115 then, and now I weight 126! I worked out tonight for the first time in months and it really felt good to move and sweat. Now, if I can just keep it up. I love to move when the weather is warm, but not hot. Today our weather is getting nice - it is supposed to move into the 50’s tonight. I don’t do well in weather extremes - can’t handle the heat and I hate the cold. So, maybe the warmer mild temps is what is making me more active and hopeful.  Either way, I hope to loose those few extra pounds tighten up my midsection and get back into my skinny jeans all before I get pregnant again Do you have some new fitness goals for 2009? Let me know what you are working on and what steps you are taking to make your dreams a reality - I could use some motivation. 

I love freebies! I started searching for freebies years ago, much to my husbands chagrin. He doesn’t like me giving out my personal info and he felt that freebies on-line was a scam.  However, through freebies on-line I’ve received free razors, lotions, cosmetics, vitamins, foods, coffee, coffee maker, free sonicare toothbrush, free candy (10 bags of Hershey’s Bliss), and many other items.  Continue Reading »

Merry Christmas - I hope that you and your family have a wonderful holiday full of wonder and the magic of the season.  Our family had to celebrate today, Christmas Eve, since my husband has to work tomorrow. We got up late, ate some breakfast and then opened gifts in the livingroom. My son really enjoying everything - he got some barn-yard sets with the tractors, animals, and barns. He got a table and chair set, books, cars, drums, some clothes, and a plastic shopping cart with the play food. He was a bit overwhelmed with everything at first, and now he goes from his box full of playsets and the shopping cart and it’s contents. He is having fun. Later, around noon we went out to shop a bit (I have a gift card from my husband that truthfully is burning a hole in my pocket) but I was unable to find anything that I really needed or even wanted for that matter. I do want a Wii Fit, a new cell phone, a flat screen tv, and a laptop…all of which is either too expensive, or just foolish for me to get right now. I only have a small portion to work with and I want to use it wisely. I have jewlery but over the years I have developed sensitivites to metals and can no longer wear earrings and I don’t often wear anything else since I don’t have any where to wear it, and rings get damaged or lost….if I was going to fancy parties and stuff, well then I would be interested. After spending 4 hours out, we came home with a bag of dog food and a tired child. I was feeling pretty tired too, but started working on dinner. We had turkey, carrots, baked brussel sprouts, mashed potato, stuffing, gravy, and homemade rolls. Oh, and some cranberry sauce. I cleaned the kitchen while husband entertained the child. We all ate a lot and now we are feeling full, relaxed and very sleepy…except for the child who is still quite active and is going between his toys and books, trying to get us pulled in so we will play. I will have to go spend some time with him and his new toys. Only a few weeks away is his 2nd birthday and another celebration.  I am not sure why, but at this moment I am feeling slightly let down by the passing of Christmas and the holiday season. Maybe because we are far away from family and the holiday celebration that they have, or  because we no longer do foster care and we no longer have the numbers of children around. I think that is the biggest part - the lack of people; wether friends or family, or children we are caring for - for many years we were surrounded by a lot of people on holidays. Now that we are alone in Ohio, far from our extended family we are pretty much alone - just the three of us on Christmas day. Sometimes I feel very lonely…  

Today I was very excited to see a deposit go into my account and I figured I would have about $30 to get some groceries that are really needed right now - for Christmas dinner. I even mailed out a package - a book I sold on half.com and spent a bit extra for the convienience of not having to go to the post office by shipping it priority instead of media mail. It was exciting to think that we would have everything we would need for a beautiful Christmas meal with my family…but now I have rebalanced the checking account and have come to realize that our current balance is now $7 - why the big discrepancy? Well, I had missed a check and it just cleared today. I had thought it had cleared weeks ago. My mistake…oh well. Perhaps I will go ahead and pick up a few items anyhow…keeping it around $5.00 and hoping that nothing else is looming out there in cyber space. My brother-in-law was said to have shipped us out a gift card for my sons Christmas gift(s) and it still hasn’t arrived, but I was going to use some of that to get us some dinner, and to get a few stocking stuffers for my son. He has a lot of gifts right now and it is probably going to be quite overwhelming for him already…might as well get things we really need with it, but alas the gift card has yet to arrive and now I am getting desperate. We are allowed one over draft fee (worth $25) so if we do go over today because the last check I have out decides to clear….then my husband gets paid on Friday. It is not the right way to do things, but what do you do when you don’t have food? You do what you have to.  :(I am really dissapointed at this point - we are starting to get more bills than we can deal with and I am feeling more desperate than I should - and I am starting to see my gift sliding away. My husband go a stipend from school and got himself a netbook. We paid some bills, and got some gifts and the money was gone. Then we got hit with a huge heating bill, a bunch of bills that are once a year and they are all due next month! So, without any extra income and all the extra bills…I also need contacts, I’ve been wearing the same ones for over a month now and they are starting to feel gritty.  I was supposed to get a netbook too, but I only have $200 towards it and after a few months that gift card is going to start loosing value…I don’t know if I will be able to get the extra $200 that I need to get my computer. That with all the other bills, I am really almost ready to take the gift card and go and get groceries for my family Oh, well. It is Christmas…a time to be happy right? Merry Christmas & Happy New Year 

If you are interested in working from home and enjoy shopping then I have a job for you - Mystery Shopping. Yes, it is real. Yes, you can make some money. Yes, it can be fun. Yes, it is flexible. Yes, it is something you can do with children (most of the time).Let me begin by telling you a bit about what I do - then you will have a better idea if this kind of job is right for you.Last week I had a job that I chose to do. I took my husband and my son out to dinner at a restaurant (it was already chosen which one I would shop - as most companies have contracts with certain stores) and I was told what time to eat (lunch/dinner). We went out to eat and was allowed a reimbursement of $25 for the meal, plus $7 to do the shop. We all had a great meal- for free. I had to call before going and ask a ‘knowledge question’ such as “What are your specials tonight” and then had to record the answer. Did the person who answered the phone say the script that they were supposed to? Did they say their name? How was their personality - friendly, welcoming, etc.Then at the restaurant I needed to record the name of the host and a description, the name of the waitress and a description. Evaluate the service throughout the whole time we were there, and then also check the place over for cleanliness. All without being spotted as a mystery shopper. At this point I am doing on average 2-3 of these shops with the same company every month - I have this shop down pretty good. I carry with me a small slip of paper where I jot down a few notes about the service and the names so I remember later when I need to write my report.After the meal, we pay and leave. In the car, I have a report printed out that I fill in, so that I don’t forget any details. It is mostly multiple choice answers on the service, but I must write a few sentences at the end of each section. Then I go home and input this same info into the mystery shopping website. After inputting everything, they then require me to scan in my receipts from the meal and upload them to their website. I submit my report and with this company I am usually paid the same week via direct deposit to my checking account.This is one of my favorite companies and my favorite shops - since money is often very tight there is no way we would go out to eat if it weren’t for this job. We now get to go out to eat 2-3 times a month for free. On the rare occasion that we go over the $25, we are usually still within the $32 total that we get to take home for this shop.Other shops that I’ve done for other companies have paid more- another company  I worked for asked me to compare two mattress companies. They would send me the name and address for two companies in one town. I would be asked to go to visit them in the same day, evaluate the sales person and what they were selling. I had to obtain a business card and scan these in at the end of the shop as well as write a report on the sales techniques and which store I would buy from between the two. These shops were easy, I could take my son, and I enjoyed learning more about mattresses (since I need to get one soon). These shops ranged from 15 minutes in a store to up to 1 hour in a store depending on how much the sales person showed me and how in depth they got with the info. Once they were submitted in I got $30. I did four shops for this company like this for a total of $120.One other company I work for asked us to evaluate a eyeglasses store. My husband needed glasses and we had a flex account so we said sure. My husband got two pairs of glasses, used his insurance who reimbursed a portion, then we used the flex spend to cover the rest. The mystery shopping company paid us $120 to do the shop.  You are not going to get rich doing mystery shopping, but it can be a nice break to do something out of the house, put a few extra bucks in your pocket, and give you a nice meal out on occasion. I really enjoy it and will continue doing it as long as I can. Here are a few of the companies I mentioned in my post:http://trendsource.com/http://www.nationwidesg.com/pages/1/index.htmhttps://www.bestmark.com/http://www.beyondhello.com/secure/index.htmThese are all companies that I personally work for and would recommend them. Some don’t pay fast (one I had to wait for over a month to be paid) and others pay every week or every-other week. Many pay by PayPal, some by USPS, and others by direct deposit. You will need to apply to become a mystery shopper - there is no need to become certified - it doesn’t really help anything. Just do a good job on your reports and always turn them in quickly.  

What is AP, you ask? Well, it is a form of parenting where the parents (mother, father, and/or caregiver) keep the child as close as possible while treating the child with respect and trying to understand the child’s needs and feelings - or at least this is how I interpret it. Many parents participate in ‘baby wearing’ in the early years and also breastfeed, co-sleep and follow other gentle parenting principles. For myself and my husband that meant that I did a natural birth with no medications, following that I breastfeed our son as soon as I was able to. Then, instead of having the nursery take my son for the night - he stayed in the same room with me and even co-slept with me.  We had not decided on AP for our parenting style before having our son, nor did we right after we had our son, matter of fact, we had no idea what AP was. We just did what came naturally to us and what felt right in regards to caring for our newborn son. We looked into slings and other baby carriers to keep our son close to us all the time, although after purchasing a sling we ended up not using it as my son never liked it. Instead we carried him almost 100% of the time, so that he could stay close to us.As our son grew older, he continued to do really well - he grew faster than those kids who were being fed formulas and were using bottles. He was in the 75th percentile for most of the first year and had no health problems. The doctors that we saw always would comment on how good he was doing and how quickly he was growing. Then when the found that I was breastfeeding they always were very impressed.My son is now almost two years old, and is still breastfeeding. He only nurses at nap time, bed time, and if he has a boo-boo that a kiss won’t fix. When he has caught a cold, nursing has been one of the few things that has been able to comfort him, allow him to get enough fluids so that he didn’t get dehydrated, and gave him anti-bodies that kept him from getting sicker. He is a loving little boy who is just a bit shy. He has compassion for others, although this is still a work in progress at this age, but sometimes he really amazes me.Both me and my husband have food allergies, and we were instructed to be very careful not to give our son foods that we are allergic to since there was a higher chance that he would also be allergic to them - however the breastfeeding has also worked in our favor in that regard as well - the longer the child is breastfeed, the better the chances are that they won’t have allergies - our son doesn’t seem to have any allergies as of yet and he has eaten peanuts and tree nuts with no problem and dairy (some of the foods my husband is allergic to) the one food that I am allergic to won’t be in this house because of my severe allergy but there is a pretty good chance that he won’t be allergic to that food - strawberries.There are struggles with any type of parenting that one chooses - when to make changes - like for us it is when do we start to wean further from the breast (he is already in a state of weaning since he has cut back from the amount of nursing he used to do) and when do we get him his own bed and teach him to sleep in it alone. Right now things are still working well for us, so we continue to follow the same formula that we have since we brought him home. When the times comes - hopefully we will realize it and do the right thing at the right time.